Glad you pooped,but you're pissing me off

Tuesday was a tough day.

(NOTE: from this point forward, D1 will be referred to as Big Sis and D2 as Lil P for consistency with a FB page about my true life)

Tuesday is the one day a week when we have NOTHING going on. No Orchestra for Big Sis, and no Tae Kwon Do for Lil P.  Last week, Lil P joined her friend to work on math homework together. It went well and I was thrilled that she had a friend she could do homework with.

It had been four days since Lil P had pooped so when she asked how long she could go to her friends house - I gave her an hour. This time frame was not what she was looking for. I reminded her it was day four and she also needed to practice percussion. Hubs and I needed to attend back to school night and were leaving at 6:15. She immediately dropped her things and went to the bathroom. In record speed she pooped. Yeah for poop, but now Lil P proved even more that she was controlling her poop at will. I know this isn't unusual for Aspies to do, but with all the things we have to manage - it just doesn't seem that tracking my 11yr olds poop cycle should be one of them.

She didn't earn any points for this delivery, but she did earn a few extra minutes at the friends house. I picked up Lil P at 5:45. She gets in the car and informs me that she didn't finish her homework. I looked at her friend and said "Why didn't you two do your homework?". Friend informs me that SHE did, but Morgan did not. I wanted to unload. But I didn't. I stayed calm. Lil P apologized all over the place and took responsibility. I thanked her for doing so, but informed her that she still needed to complete the work. Instead of she and Big Sis watching a movie while I was gone, she would have no TV and would be completing her work.  She only had 11 math problems. Then she informed me that she also had Social Studies work. I came close to loosing my stuff, but didn't, yet.  As I was forking over her dinner, she asked to watch TV. Um .. no. At her abrupt fit - I replied that I couldn't trust her to turn off the TV and get her work done when she was done eating.

Lil P argued that she had already apologized and felt like I was being unfair by not "caring or accepting" her apology. I explained that I did care, and thanked her for taking ownership - but the consequence still stood. No TV until homework is done. This didn't go over well at all. Screaming. tantrums. And then Husband, the most passive man I know, lost his crap and let loose on her as well.

Now we were not fighting about homework - we were fighting about listening and talking with respect. We were seriously yelling about her yelling and not listening to what we were saying before she responded. Irony at its finest.

I hated leaving last night. Leaving her home with Big Sis. I warned Big Sis not to parent. To do her own thing. I knew that Lil P wouldn't finish her work. I knew that she wouldn't be able to sit at the table, or anywhere, and finish her assignments. I guess deep down I had hoped that she would. That she would just take 15 minutes and knock it all out so she could watch TV.  While at the Parent night I got the battery of texts. "Lil P is playing with the dog", "Big Sis won't come sit and help me stay on task".... I began thinking how I wish there was a wine bar I could hit on the way home.

Arriving home, Husband tells me that she probably doesn't have her work done and not to flip out on her. That he didn't want to go back to the yelling. And that I couldn't even look or sound disappointed b/c even that would set her off. Um, okay.

I walked inside and could tell she was waiting for me to unload. She told me she had accomplished NOTHING. I simply said "thank you for telling me, it's late, go get your shower". That made her mad because she didn't have her homework done. So in her mind, she should be doing her homework not her shower, since homework comes before shower.  Even that took 10 minutes for her to listen. She will not be going to friends house to do homework for a while. She had to wake up early to get ready and work on homework. I was beyond furious.

Thing that bothered me most is that I KNEW she wouldn't do her work while we were gone. Maybe I was more mad at myself for thinking she actually would do her work?  She did build a HUGE pyramid with box of dixie cups. She did make cool designs with plasti-tac. She did play with the dog. She did poop again. But the one thing I had asked her to do, she didn't do.

Our ABA supervisor has emailed. Seems she MAY have someone in our area that could work with Lil P. I am torn. We have a plan now. Starting fresh with a new ABA means starting again in that honeymoon phase. Where Lil P acts perfect and I appear to be some troll who can't manage her child.

Autism & ADHD really stink sometimes. I just wish someone would say - Okay - here is what you should do.

We see her NeruoDevelopmental Dr next week. Boy will he get an ear full.

Off to control and organize what little of my life I can.

Mwah!!

It's been way to long....

This weekend I went away to Staunton, VA. It was a beautiful town. To some it  may have seemed a bit run down, but to me it was mysteriously lovely.  Leading up to this weekend, there were many times   that I considered backing out and staying home. After all, I control the heartbeat of this house. I enforce the bed times, the homework, the prep for school, practice of cello, percussion, and TaeKwonDo. I'm not alone, Husband is a tremendous father and helps. However, he has been out of country and would be coming home to just the girls and no marching orders from me. He was probably grateful for that last part.

While this morning was tough, I think back on this weekend and feel blessed and inspired. I left with two ladies who I have gotten to know through D2's TaeKwonDo classes. I adore these women. They treat me like they have known me all my life, there is absolutely no judgement, and I feel no anxiety about how I should look, think, act, or keep my house when I am with them. I left my house Friday morning with two amazing women and I came home Sunday night with a dozen new friends just like them.

I've written in this blog (although it was a long time ago) some tough lessons I have had about friendships. How many of my friendships since moving here have been utilitarian. When there is no longer something I can offer to certain friends, I am left confused, standing alone. The other group of impostors are those who take a look into the world of Autism, judge and run as fast as they can.

This weekend, I was reminded that there are fabulous people out there that not only are amazing on there own, but truly get what I live through. I got to be me. A mom, yes, but was able to share stories about D2 that others could relate to and laugh with me about the craziness that is my life.

This weekend left me feeling inspired. I've so missed scrapbooking, photography, and blogging. I was reminded that to be a better wife, mom, and friend - I needed to be true to who I am. To take time for me, doing something that I enjoy. It's not only important for me, but for my girls to see me as more than just their mom.

Last night while I was saying good night to D1, she said I seemed different. That it was interesting to see me laughing with the three ladies that brought me home. To hear one of our funny stories. She said it was neat to picture me having a glass of wine and laughing with a group of friends as we walked through the streets of some town. She was glad I went, and wanted to know when I was going to get to go again.  It warmed my heart.

What I want most from being a mom is to never fail them. I want them to be independent, strong, firm in their faith, and simply amazing. Well, if I don't set that example for them, there is no telling who will fill that role. I'm not just mom. I am also a friend, a wife, and a woman who knows how to laugh with other amazing women.

I don't know if those women will know how deeply they have impacted my life this past weekend, but they will each be forever cherished in my heart for a lifetime.