In the wise words of Donkey from the movie "Shrek the Halls", "Christmas just aint Christmas until somebody is crying!"
Ahhh - the holidays. I Love Thanksgiving. It is the last time people are nice to others before the shopping madness begins. Living within 2 hours of our family this year - we now have to play the family game of who goes where and when, and is it fair - are we spending as much time there as we did here and did the kids act like they enjoyed being there?
Christmas day was at home. I am a stickler for Santa coming to our house. As a kid, I remember waking up - opening all my presents and then my dad would disappear for a nap and I had to start getting ready to drive 90 minutes to grandmas. There I would spend all day fighting with my 5 cousins as we received our gifts (all the same) and played. Then we would drive back home just in time for bed. The day after I would get to play with the toys that Santa had brought. SO- I insist that our girls be able to open their gifts and stay home ALL day in their PJ's if they wish. I am a bad and selfish mom.
SO - we decided to spend Christmas Eve day with Husbands family b/c his brother was in town. We drove home late that evening and began to prep for Santa. Santa arrived and then we spent the day relaxing and just hanging out. Husbands parents came late in the afternoon to see what wonders that Santa had brought. It was cool b/c they were so close - that they could do that. Today we went to see my family and do Christmas with them. It was awkward at best. The mood was set when we walked in my mothers house and she told the girls... not "hi", not "Merry Christmas", but "this pile is yours and that pile is yours... go at it". Mark had not even gotten in the door yet. Then while they unwrapped their gifts... the TV was on and Grandma was more interested in watching the TV then watching her ONLY grandchildren open their gifts. Hmmmm.
I know that I can never do right - I know I will always mess it all up. What I don't know is when will it stop mattering so much. It would be easier to just state that I am not really part of that family anymore.
Today I wished that I could climb to a mountain top and have someone shove me off. That would be less painful then the conversations that took place. It is my fault after all - I chose to NOT go there on Christmas day with everyone else. Even the girls are starting to pick up on the awkwardness of being there. Grr. What a bummer.
Christmas this year has been fine. Not what I had expected. I feel somewhat disappointed. Not in the things - but in the things that I wanted to do - that never got done. There are things every year that the girls and I do that we never came close to doing. I guess I felt kinda robbed.
Next year. I have to just pull up my boots and focus on next year. Madison's party will happen sooner. Christmas shopping will be done earlier - regardless if husband can help out. We will make Christmas cookies earlier. I will plan on the kids missing the week before Christmas. As for the family... I don't know. Part of me wants to say - here is where we are - here is when we will be home - give us a call if you can make it.
