half my heart....

D2 (daughter 2)

Take a moment and just look at this face.  

This is the face of unpredictability.  Is she going to laugh? Make a loud funny noise? Cry? Stick out her tongue?  You just never know with this one.  Her brain goes faster than the speed of light.  Some times her body does too.  She is a tough act to keep up with.  She is very intelligent.  Insightful, caring, loving, vulnerable, energetic, enthusiastic, fun, optimistic....  She is also hurting.  D2 is a pleaser.

As I mentioned in the last post, D2 takes medication for her ADHD.  The last two weeks D2 has become more impulsive, more unpredictable, and more frustrated with herself.  Her mind is going so fast and the rest of her just can not keep up.  She is so smart that she tries to analyze herself - aware of her ADHD and aware that she needs to use skills that she has learned to get through situations.  Like a switch though, it seems her medication is doing very little to help her out.  She takes her pill at 7:30 and normally she would be focused until about 5pm.  These last few days - she takes her pill at 7:30 and by 12:30 - 1:00 she is loosing control.  By the time she gets off the bus at 3, she is an emotional wreck.  She puts up a tough front at school - then gets off the bus and needs about 30 minutes to unwind.  Well, unwind from the emotions - the rest of her continues to wind right up!!  Climbing door frames, counters, cabinets, steps, anything she can climb - just because.  Riding a bike- nope- she can't focus enough to stay on it for more than a minute because her body is in perpetual motion.  She cant remember an instruction for more than 10 seconds - then crumbles when I get on her for not doing what she is told.  sigh.

The earliest we can get into the doctor is next Thursday.  The Behavior Therapist has nothing available until July - August!  sigh.

It's frustrating.  I wanna make it all better for her.  She struggles with herself.  I sometimes don't know how I can make it through some days.  Being firm, yet sensitive to what she is going through.  I get so discouraged - and feel so alone.  D2 is an amazing lil girl.  She will grow into a strong and amazing woman one day.  Her Doctor may need to give me a lil something to help me see her to that day - but regardless - I know that she can accomplish anything she sets her mind too.  We just need to learn how to set her mind to one thing!

Just look at that face.  Seconds after that picture was taken - she broke out dancing.  I am blessed to have her in my life.  I am blessed that I was chosen to be her mom.  I am blessed to have her hugs be so strong that I loose my breath.  I am blessed that as I write about her - I tear up - my heart full of hope and love for her.  She always makes me smile, makes me laugh, and makes me glad to be a mom.