busy, busy, busy... not really in comparison..

The ebb and flow of a busy life.  Some say that if you are a stay at home mom, you have all the time in the world.  It's true.  The common misperception that is.  When teachers & coaches look for someone to help out with tasks, the first they look to are the stay at home moms.  "oh, I can ask Sally, she's home all day & doesn't work." Don't worry, this isn't my stay at home mom soap box - I am actually going somewhere else with this point.  Actually, it isn't a point at all but rather a thought to ponder.

There are moments in my life, since I stopped working and became a SAHM, that I was overcommitted with activities.  I was knee deep with church involvements, Military spouse commitments, clubs, and oh yeah, being a mom to toddlers and a wife.  It was a whirlwind at times, but I managed.  I have always been a very independent, self-sufficient, task oriented woman.  Then I had children.  I still was on a mission, craved a schedule, and took on the world, but more and more went by the wayside.  Children can change those things, and new perspectives are in order.  As the girls got older I got back in the groove.  I wasn't just part of something, I was the one responsible for that something.  My calendar, color coded of course, looked as though a rainbow had vomited all over it.

In the last year, my calendar has changed dramatically.  the things I am doing, aside from mothering, are not change the world kind of things.  But there is this level of feeling overwhelmed that creeps in and takes hold of me.  I become emotionally drained over the little things.  Today for example, I sent the girls to school and soon I will have coffee with a friend.  After that I will stop by the house to see how the painters are doing - redoing the botched paint job they did on our deck.  Then it is off to school to volunteer.  D2 has a dr appointment today with a counselor for the ADHD.  My day should end nicely about 6pm.  None of these things are hugely stressful.  Yet I feel heavy.  There are things that are lingering that I need to get done, that I have the mental motivation, but they are not getting done.  Where has the drive gone?  I am trying to be a cheerleader for my family.  "I've got this... go on, don't worry" is what I say.  Truth be told, I am not sure I do "got this".

Why is it the more we take on, the more productive we are?

Or are we?

Is it because my focus now isn't about the quick fixes and taskers for others - but rather the long term investments of time and other things are heavy because they are beyond my control?

I can't control the deck people doing a bad job on our deck.  I can't control when the toilet breaks.  I can't control my daughter's ADHD and know everything I need to do to help her. I can't control when the military sends my husband away.  I can't control the bully at school.

You know they say the hardest advice to take is your own.  What would I tell me?