holding on

First let me say that I notice the irony between this blog and my last.  If you can even call it that?  Sometimes I think there are those that are conditioned to believe that when things start going well, you better watch out because it is only a matter of time before the big boom.  Some believe that you just roll with the punches and events in our lives are completely unrelated.  If you take things on a spiritual level, events in our lives are based on where we are in our walk. If we are walking strong in our faith, then we must be vigilant because the Devil is only moments away from testing our faith.

Regardless, the past week has been a test of my faith, my strengths, and have definitely highlighted my weaknesses.  Just last week while having lunch with a friend, I was sharing how I felt I was in a good place.  I was exercising every day, the girls were doing well in school, Husband is home, I was staying on top of the housework, and had cooked decent meals all week.  Then life stopped.

D1 handled the news about her teacher well.  However, I think that the concerns may have been short sighted.  The focus from the school was that the kids would be sad about the teachers death.  I can't tell you how many times I heard, "well at least the kids didn't really know her, so they are all fine".  Not true.  The bigger issue of this loss was the uncertainty of what was next.  Who would be their teacher? What would be changing for them?  Who do they belong to?  At first I thought this was just D1 that was thinking all these things - but I am hearing these same concerns from other parents in the class.

The class had been assured that their current long term sub would be staying on until they found another permanent teacher.  That sub happened to be out the day the class learned of their teachers death and the sub that was there was, well, less than adored by the class.  Well, wouldn't you know that the nice long term sub has medical issues that forces her to quit, and the less than adored sub is now the long term sub.  D1 was devastated.  The new sub seems to be on a bit of a power trip.  As if these kids don't have enough uncertainty in their lives, the sub begins to change their routines, revokes bathroom passes, and rearranges the classroom.  All in the first 3 days.

As I juggle the flow of emotions coming from D1 and encouraging her to try to keep things in perspective, we then learn that D2 has a Prolapse Mitral Valve.  Before you flood me with medical advice, I also have one, I know that you can live a long happy lives with minimal adjustments.  BUT it seems that D2's situation is more than a mild one.  We are in the wait and see stages.  Trying to establish a base line since not one doctor has noticed this in the past.  So we add that to the list of things to keep track of along with bowl movements, overstimulation coping skills, learning to read social cues... and the rest of the things that ADHD brings about.  Oh, I forgot to mention that we are also switching her medication.

I have been encouraging D1 to keep things in perspective, to remember that the devil preys on our weaknesses.  That the anxiety she was feeling was from "what if" situations and nothing that she knew for certain was going to happen.  She even made the sound reference to Tom & Jerry cartoons.  When Tom has the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.  She has been plucking off the devil all week, and doing a good job.  Better than her momma.

This week, much unlike the last was a blur.  Full of uncertainty, full of frustration, full of insecurity.  Which brings me to the photo at the top.  This was a sculpture I came across while on a boat ride in Brugge Belgium.   It reminds me that even when things are crazy, when we feel like we are alone and losing our grip, there is someone bigger that is holding on.  Ready to pull us out of the pit and set us on dry ground.

Next week will be better.  Next week we will get in our groove.  Next week I am not going to lose my grip.  Next week I will remember where to pull my strength.