holding on

First let me say that I notice the irony between this blog and my last.  If you can even call it that?  Sometimes I think there are those that are conditioned to believe that when things start going well, you better watch out because it is only a matter of time before the big boom.  Some believe that you just roll with the punches and events in our lives are completely unrelated.  If you take things on a spiritual level, events in our lives are based on where we are in our walk. If we are walking strong in our faith, then we must be vigilant because the Devil is only moments away from testing our faith.

Regardless, the past week has been a test of my faith, my strengths, and have definitely highlighted my weaknesses.  Just last week while having lunch with a friend, I was sharing how I felt I was in a good place.  I was exercising every day, the girls were doing well in school, Husband is home, I was staying on top of the housework, and had cooked decent meals all week.  Then life stopped.

D1 handled the news about her teacher well.  However, I think that the concerns may have been short sighted.  The focus from the school was that the kids would be sad about the teachers death.  I can't tell you how many times I heard, "well at least the kids didn't really know her, so they are all fine".  Not true.  The bigger issue of this loss was the uncertainty of what was next.  Who would be their teacher? What would be changing for them?  Who do they belong to?  At first I thought this was just D1 that was thinking all these things - but I am hearing these same concerns from other parents in the class.

The class had been assured that their current long term sub would be staying on until they found another permanent teacher.  That sub happened to be out the day the class learned of their teachers death and the sub that was there was, well, less than adored by the class.  Well, wouldn't you know that the nice long term sub has medical issues that forces her to quit, and the less than adored sub is now the long term sub.  D1 was devastated.  The new sub seems to be on a bit of a power trip.  As if these kids don't have enough uncertainty in their lives, the sub begins to change their routines, revokes bathroom passes, and rearranges the classroom.  All in the first 3 days.

As I juggle the flow of emotions coming from D1 and encouraging her to try to keep things in perspective, we then learn that D2 has a Prolapse Mitral Valve.  Before you flood me with medical advice, I also have one, I know that you can live a long happy lives with minimal adjustments.  BUT it seems that D2's situation is more than a mild one.  We are in the wait and see stages.  Trying to establish a base line since not one doctor has noticed this in the past.  So we add that to the list of things to keep track of along with bowl movements, overstimulation coping skills, learning to read social cues... and the rest of the things that ADHD brings about.  Oh, I forgot to mention that we are also switching her medication.

I have been encouraging D1 to keep things in perspective, to remember that the devil preys on our weaknesses.  That the anxiety she was feeling was from "what if" situations and nothing that she knew for certain was going to happen.  She even made the sound reference to Tom & Jerry cartoons.  When Tom has the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.  She has been plucking off the devil all week, and doing a good job.  Better than her momma.

This week, much unlike the last was a blur.  Full of uncertainty, full of frustration, full of insecurity.  Which brings me to the photo at the top.  This was a sculpture I came across while on a boat ride in Brugge Belgium.   It reminds me that even when things are crazy, when we feel like we are alone and losing our grip, there is someone bigger that is holding on.  Ready to pull us out of the pit and set us on dry ground.

Next week will be better.  Next week we will get in our groove.  Next week I am not going to lose my grip.  Next week I will remember where to pull my strength.

A Mother's Dream

Every year our biggest adjustment seems to be with D2.  Things that we have come to learn are just part of the ADHD world.

Last year was tough.  We really felt like D2 had fallen through the cracks.  I was seemingly always at school advocating on her behalf.  Trying to identify ways to help her become more successful.  The feeling that my child didn't matter was overwhelming.  Because she came from a two parent home, spoke english, and was white, it appeared that she was a low priority and as long as she was meeting the minimum, that was fine.  We dealt with bulling that resulted in bruises, being spit on, and called names.  Improper assessment testing and no one taking the time to review her file from her previous school that showed that she was an advanced learner.

We made it through.  I was "that" mom and pushed back when my daughter was pushed aside.  I learned that if you don't advocate for your child - who will?

THIS YEAR!!!!

This year is going to be different.  Maybe Husband is giving me optimism injections while I sleep, but this year I expect great things.  Her teacher is amazing.  He has addressed our concerns, and filled us with hope.  He not only recognized her strengths, but could also see her insecurities.  He wants to work as a team to help D2 develop those  social cues, to apply her coping skills with her personal space issues, and building relationships.

He told me she was smart, he liked having her in class.  For the first time in a long time, I felt relieved.  I believed that she was going to be okay.  THIS year is going to be different.  THIS year she will become empowered to achieve greatness.

I am excited for D2's journey through 3rd grade.  For the growth she is about to experience academically, physically, and socially.

There are no limits to her greatness and I am thrilled she has a teacher who is in her corner this year!!!

Making Sense of the Senseless

Written the afternoon of 16 Sept.

Today my daughter will learn that her teacher died this morning from cancer.  Apparently things were going well until a few weeks ago when it was discovered that the cancer had spread to the bones and was very aggressive.  A long term substitute was hired to start off the school year who would partner with the teacher.

Today that all changes.  Today D1 has no teacher.  I am not exactly sure how she will take the news.  There is no parent problem solving handbook that says "when ___ happens then promptly do ___".  I decided that I would go ahead and come to the school and be here to hear what the administration said and IF D1 needed me, I would be here for her.  I am thankful that D1 didn't yet form that special bond with the teacher.  Only because I think that will make things easier in the process of getting a new teacher.  But is loss on any level ever easy?

Encourage, Listen, & Love.  Yes, that's my job.  I think that best defines the role of any parent.  Isn't that what it all boils down to?  We encourage our children in any situation, both good and bad.  We listen.  We listen to the thoughts, feelings, plans, and dreams.  And it goes without saying that we love.  We love with an insurmountable love.  We do it because that is what we are called to do.  What we are commanded to do.  Love.  By loving, we then teach others to love.

my obsession...

a new happy place...

This past weekend was fabulous. The weather could not have been a more perfect end to summer vacation.  The mornings were in the 60's and that was just perfect for sitting on the deck, curled up with a cup of hot tea, my camera, and my journal.  Even though I live on Wisteria Lane, my deck is a happy place.  It's private, gets the morning sun, and has the most amazing breeze all afternoon.  We even have an abundance of humming birds that I obsess about, spending countless moments taking pictures, trying to get just the right shot.  

Monday morning was my favorite morning on the deck.  My oldest (D1) woke up early with me and joined me outside.  We just sat there and read for a while, then we talked about birthday parties, the start of school, and all about the revolutionary time period.  You didn't see that coming did you?  I loved having this time with D1, she has grown up so much this summer.  I can hardly believe that she is in the 4th grade.  Where did all this time go?  

I enjoyed watching her sitting there, talking about whatever came to her mind.  She is so wise beyond her years.  So mature in some areas, and yet so innocent in many others.  We talked about friendships, and who are good people to have as friends.  Also about the different types of friends.  D1 has some nice friends from school that all have big sisters in high school.  So they are not into playing barbie, American Girl dolls, or singing to Hanna Montana or Taylor Swift.  In fact, they don't even know what they are into.  I want D1 to enjoy being a child.  She has one good friend that she can completely be her silly little self with, and I adore that!!!  Life goes by so fast, that we miss out on what it is to just be a kid.  We fill our child's schedule with one activity after the next - some they don't even care to be a part of.  

Now hold the hate mail, I am not at all suggesting that kids being in activities are bad.  My girls are involved in a few things.  We did learn though, that we have to limit those things a bit so we don't unravel our family.  We zoom from one event to the next and at some point we stop and wonder where did all the time go?  

Some moms were ready for the first day of school.  Some complained it was to long, others to short.  For us, I think summer was perfect.  Yes, we reached our saturation point at times, and we had definitely reached the point where we were ready to get back in the swing of things.  We had a good summer.  We made some great memories.  We made new friends and found ones we never knew we had.  We spent time with family, traveled to New York, PA, and DE.  It was a good summer.

This weekend was the perfect weekend.  It was great to be together, the four of us, playing board games, laughing, and dreaming out loud.  I think I fell in love with them all over again.  

When was the last time you just stopped?  Were just still.  No plans.  Just sit with your kids, your husband and played a game?  Talked about the future?  Asked common questions?  No TV, no computer, just sat and listened to what was milling around in their minds?  Time goes so fast, and we take so much for granted.  We schedule so much in our lives, why not schedule family time.  In fact, schedule it first and make everything else fit around that time.

I can not wait for the weekend, when Husband comes back home, and we can all just relax, and have fun together as a family.  How about you?