Today I looked at my iPhone and it let me know that I needed to charge the battery. I was thinking - how wise that this device reminds us when it needs to be charged. How much wiser that it knows when it's battery is running low. If only I was that wise.
By the time I recognize I am low on power (patience) the world is already spinning out of control and I am completely empty. If only I could just say "I'm sorry, but before you press any of my buttons today, you will need to let me sit on the counter and recharge my battery."
AND - people would recognize this and say "oh, the mommy is recharging, we have to wait a bit before we suck the life out of her again"
The problem with a low battery is that we don't preform our best. We lose perspective on what the real issues are.
D1, my 10 yr old is wearing me down. The last 2 weeks she has mouthed off, 'forgot' to do important things, and is yelling ridiculous things at me. She seriously has lost her mind. Add on the school issues with D2 - and you have a recipe for disaster. D2 spins out of control at times, and you think she's just wound up.... but then issues get worse and before you know it you are thinking "what is wrong with this child!?! Why is she doing this?" Then a little voice hits you in the head and says "she has Asperger's you nub!! she can't really help it!"
I think we get so caught up in shining the positive light on disabilities, that we forget the reality of the not so positive sides. Today's topic being bowel movements. There is a relation between the two. I thought it was silly before the Dr pointed it out to me. Not all - but there is a connection and it is not uncommon for children with Aspergers to not have bowl movements. Understand, I am not complaining about skipping a day. Not even skipping 2 days. I am talking about going a week or more. Dangerous levels of not going. Why? Just because she doesn't like to. In fact she hates going. The docs tell me it is a sensory thing.
Regardless, here we are in the battle of poo. I accept the blame. I try to stay on top of things - seeing that she TRY to go every other day. We have sticker charts, and rewards, and the whole sha-bang-bang for rewards. I do well for a while and before you know it, life takes over and it's been a week or more and she hasn't gone. I know the signs that she has to go. Rocking, can't sit on hard surfaces, not eating, hiding her underwear, not sleeping well...But when all these signs show - it's too late, we are in for the long haul and the battle of the wills. This struggle, on top of an already emotional week, becomes the moment my battery light flashes and says - "you should have recharged me!! I'm shutting down"
I am thankful for Husband. He had to step in b/c I stepped off. Most mothers fear their child will die from a stranger, or an accident, I fear my child will die because her bowels will erupt. You just can't make a child poop. Sure you can make them sit there, but you can't push for them. I give her laxatives, but she holds it in still. It is an exhausting battle. One that I have to just start over with a new day and do a better job of seeing that she tries every day.
I have to remember that she is a child with Aspergers and with that comes some amazing qualities, but there are also some things that we just have to push though and get creative with.
Most of all, like all moms, I need to do a better job of reading my battery meter. When that sucker starts running low - I need to plug in to a rechargeable source.
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