As I drove home today in complete silence, I reflected about the past 24 hours and how much they had changed my perspective of things. At times I was angry, saddened, perplexed, elated, and refreshed.
See, last night, i discovered a whole new window of opportunity. On the one hand I was excited about this new friendship, this commonality, this new discovery that had been made... then I was confused. As excited as I was about opening a new door, starting a new chapter in my life with my cousin... I was frustrated and a little bitter about all the time that had been missed out on. Purely because of 1 or 2 people and letting their perceptions be my own.
I had been brought up feeling I could never measure up to my cousins. Even as an adult, I would hear how fabulous they had it and how I was a disappointment and a snob. Well, turns out, my cousin had been given the same story. When she told me that she was dealing with feelings of inferiority - I think I laughed! Why? How? Then there became one common thread. Grandma. I heard about my failures and how I could be better through grandma, turns out, she heard the same. Funny thing is my grandmother only knew what my mother had told her and if you have been reading this blog, or have ever met me, you will know that isn't much! SO, every half truth is inflated.
My mom's sister is my godmother and I have always favored her. She keeps the family together and is one of the most selfless people I know. Ask anyone. I had a friend that had a layover in Baltimore with her child, I didn't hesitate to ask my aunt to open her home, because I knew if she could she would, and my friend would be welcome there. I'm not just saying this all because my aunt and cousin know about this blog - but because it is truth and needs to be said. My aunt has become even more dear to me as I parent my child with ADHD. She has been there and can relate to my struggle, listen without judgement, and offer sound advice or encouragement.
Over the past few years, I felt I had to sneak around to have time with my aunt. My mom is very jealous of her and hates that I have a relationship with her. The fact that my youngest thinks she's the best and wants her to be her grandmother instead of my mother.. yeah, that didn't help. So since the crud has been hitting the fan where my mom is concerned, we planed an overnight with this Astounding Aunt. We masked the time and made it a sleepover for the kids to get to know their cousins. I was thrilled to have some time with my aunt and not stress about D2.
Last night, everything was thrown out on the table. Stories were compared - and truths discovered. My cousin and I have a lot in common. We have children about the same age, we like pina coladas mixed with strawberry, and even have the same favorite colors. I loved sitting at the table and laughing. Laughing without judgement, being genuine, and just talking.
I have been unfair. She is an amazing woman. Just like the post from 2 July, people change and so have I. It is unfair to leave our opinions of them - our misguided opinions of them - in a frozen state.
I rediscovered my cousin last night. I uncovered some crazy truths about other family members. I learned about a small betrayal that I am still rumbling about. And I expect to be blogging about this visit for a few days. I am a verbal processor and since husband is TDY in Europe (grumble grumble)... I'll just have to blog it out.
It's funny how our perceptions can be shaped by half-truths. I grew up thinking my sister was the favored child - the one my parents were so proud of and loved; I felt always lesser. It wasn't until a few years ago when she and I began to talk that I found out she'd always felt the same way.
ReplyDeleteThe good thing was that our parents talked us up to each other. The bad thing was that they didn't so much talk us up to us.
I'm glad you had a great time, and made new connections and forged new relationships. It sounds like the last few months have been a fresh start. What a blessing!
So glad you had the chance to reconnect and rediscover! Funny how we can learn so much about someone you thought you knew -- both good and bad.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that despite my absence, I thought our skype follow-up (verbal processing) was great! Not quite as good as being there, but you gotta admit -- technology's great!
Love ya and can't wait to chat more about your discoveries when I return!
Mark
My love, Skype was great - but you know I can't just have one 30 minute conversation about an event. I am randomly having conversations in my head... and you are sleeping there at the base of a castle. ;-) I miss you & I'll see you soon.
ReplyDeleteHeidi - My grandmother and I were not that close, I was closer to my grandfather, he wasn't hooked in the drama and if my grandmother would start - he would shut her down. If only the people that talked us up to others would do the same to us... where would we be? Maybe we wouldn't be as humble?