Here are just a few I have ready to post - the rest are on the way...
Saturday, January 29, 2011
ice ice baby..
Yet another 2 day school week comes to an end. We had a crazy storm blow through here on Wednesday and left everything icy and a mess. The schools closed down for the remainder of the week. What to do? Oh, take pictures.
Here are just a few I have ready to post - the rest are on the way...
Here are just a few I have ready to post - the rest are on the way...
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Groundhog Day
Remember this movie?
Bill Murray is a weather man who has to cover the sacred event for the fourth year in a row. He's pretty bitter about the assignment and makes no effort in hiding his discontent. The next day he wakes up only to discover he has to relive that day over again. Then the next day, and the next day....
I was reminded of this movie this morning as the alarm went off at 5:15. Husband hit the snooze button until 5:34 when we roll out of bed. He goes to get ready for work and I head downstairs to make coffee, pack lunches, and get ready for the day. I send off Husband, and climb upstairs listening to my own theme music play in my head. It's sounds like the music to JAWS. I get myself ready for the day, then watch the second hand on the clock move closer and closer to 6:45. duh dun... duh dun... I take a deep breath and say yet another prayer that today will be a different day.
First I wake D1, she doesn't want to get out of her warm bed. Who could blame her? She does though, making small talk about the weather and what she has going on. Then I put on my best face and go into D2's room. I turn on a lamp that gradually gets brighter. I've learned NOT to turn on any sudden sources of light. I speak softly and even try to be a little playful. No matter. Even though there are some soft giggles and a smile, they quickly fade. Giggles turn into shouts and grunts. Smiles turn into angry eyes. Arms used to hug and hold hands quickly turn and begin to hit and throw anything within reach.
Sometimes I muddle through these days. After all not EVERY day is like this. Last week went pretty well. OH, they only had school 2 days last week. hmm. So, maybe I should say not all days are bad. Some are just more horrific than others?
So far this week we are 2 for 2.
Yesterday I was thinking about the morning. How even though it seemed as though we were set for success, (clothes out, plenty of sleep..) the morning crumbled after the words "Good morning..". It's easy to fool ourselves and think "oh, today was bad b/c it was ____ (fill in with your choice.. Monday, not good sleeping, not feeling well, lights were too bright, out of muffins, the wind was blowing to the west...) BUT the reality is... THIS IS MY LIFE. This behavior is not going away. Yes we are learning together from the 'experts' about how to handle things, however, the reality is.. this is my life. My numbness level has to go up yet another notch. I know it will get better. Not like a cold gets better. This isn't something that will simply pass. This is a process. A very long, sad, painful, lonely, emotionally draining process.
Coming to terms that my child doesn't just have a behavior problem, but rather has a mental disability... that's a tough one. Thank God she has ADHD along with the Autism. The medication that she takes just before she goes to school, helps her behave and be loved by her teachers. I am jealous of them. They get the best of her and don't even know it. But for how long? How long till this pill isn't doing it's job and we have to move on?
One skill at a time. One step at a time. One day at a time. One moment at a time. One drink at a time. Okay, just kidding about that last line. Kinda.
I wouldn't for one moment change D2. I wouldn't wish my life to be without her. I just pray for the strength and direction to be a good parent to her without loosing my mind in the meantime.
Bill Murray is a weather man who has to cover the sacred event for the fourth year in a row. He's pretty bitter about the assignment and makes no effort in hiding his discontent. The next day he wakes up only to discover he has to relive that day over again. Then the next day, and the next day....
I was reminded of this movie this morning as the alarm went off at 5:15. Husband hit the snooze button until 5:34 when we roll out of bed. He goes to get ready for work and I head downstairs to make coffee, pack lunches, and get ready for the day. I send off Husband, and climb upstairs listening to my own theme music play in my head. It's sounds like the music to JAWS. I get myself ready for the day, then watch the second hand on the clock move closer and closer to 6:45. duh dun... duh dun... I take a deep breath and say yet another prayer that today will be a different day.
First I wake D1, she doesn't want to get out of her warm bed. Who could blame her? She does though, making small talk about the weather and what she has going on. Then I put on my best face and go into D2's room. I turn on a lamp that gradually gets brighter. I've learned NOT to turn on any sudden sources of light. I speak softly and even try to be a little playful. No matter. Even though there are some soft giggles and a smile, they quickly fade. Giggles turn into shouts and grunts. Smiles turn into angry eyes. Arms used to hug and hold hands quickly turn and begin to hit and throw anything within reach.
Sometimes I muddle through these days. After all not EVERY day is like this. Last week went pretty well. OH, they only had school 2 days last week. hmm. So, maybe I should say not all days are bad. Some are just more horrific than others?
So far this week we are 2 for 2.
Yesterday I was thinking about the morning. How even though it seemed as though we were set for success, (clothes out, plenty of sleep..) the morning crumbled after the words "Good morning..". It's easy to fool ourselves and think "oh, today was bad b/c it was ____ (fill in with your choice.. Monday, not good sleeping, not feeling well, lights were too bright, out of muffins, the wind was blowing to the west...) BUT the reality is... THIS IS MY LIFE. This behavior is not going away. Yes we are learning together from the 'experts' about how to handle things, however, the reality is.. this is my life. My numbness level has to go up yet another notch. I know it will get better. Not like a cold gets better. This isn't something that will simply pass. This is a process. A very long, sad, painful, lonely, emotionally draining process.
Coming to terms that my child doesn't just have a behavior problem, but rather has a mental disability... that's a tough one. Thank God she has ADHD along with the Autism. The medication that she takes just before she goes to school, helps her behave and be loved by her teachers. I am jealous of them. They get the best of her and don't even know it. But for how long? How long till this pill isn't doing it's job and we have to move on?
One skill at a time. One step at a time. One day at a time. One moment at a time. One drink at a time. Okay, just kidding about that last line. Kinda.
I wouldn't for one moment change D2. I wouldn't wish my life to be without her. I just pray for the strength and direction to be a good parent to her without loosing my mind in the meantime.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Wonderful Weekend
This weekend has been delightful. Nice and relaxing. D1 had a sleepover Friday night and D2 was thrilled to have us all to herself. I think it was a bit overwhelming for her though, she was so torn with all the wonderful things she wanted to do, but our time was limited and the clock didn't slow down at all.
Saturday was nice. We each enjoyed doing things together and separately. For a bit D1 was designing clothes on the computer, D2 was watching a movie, husband was working on school work, and I was milling about with this and that, interrupting husband with my thoughts on the world. Which alway intrigue him. ;-)
That afternoon we sat down to a great game of Clue. I love this game. My family likes it, but they don't like how competitive I am. I can't help it, I just love these type of logic puzzle games. D2 was really getting into the game and was Sooooo close to making her accusation when the die was 1 number shy of letting her into a room. D1 had complained how much she didn't like the game, how bored she was, how it was sooooo hard. She then goes into a room, and makes an accusation and was right. Game over. The look on D2's face was crushing. She was working so hard to put her clues together and then her sister swept the rug from under her. Oh well.
We played 2 games of clue and then each took some time to read, play legos, do art, or whatever we wanted. My friend Tammy showed me this great puzzle called 100 alligators and a purse. There are all different ones, but the one I have is 100 Mice and a Piece of Cheese. It's a pretty fun Puzzle and has been taking up space on our dining room table since Christmas. By the end of the day, all four of us were rather intense working on this puzzletill after 9pm. It was the highlight of the day. NO technology required. Well, there was the iPod playing, but other than that.... After the girls were in bed, Husband and I continued until it was finished. I loved that time with him.
Today we continue on. Some are working on puzzles, reading, and creating. The plan is to continue to relax today. Gearing up for a very busy week ahead. The weather outside is freezing and the house is working hard to keep us warm. I ventured to Wal-Mart and purchased some electric blankets on clearance and so we are all snuggled and relaxing.
I just heard the TV come on and it kind of makes me sad. Oh well. It was bound to happen. Besides football starts soon, and we'll all be plopped in front to the TV then anyway. Except for D1, she's not a fan.
I loved our "unplugged" weekend. Playing games, reading, creating, and best of all communicating. No stress of the Monday thru Friday things that eat away at our souls.
How was your weekend?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Happy New Year.. time to kick it all in gear
Welcome 2011!
This will be a year of discovery and lots of education.
On Dec 15th we learned that D2 has a diagnoses of ADHD, Asperger's, and Anxiety.
Deep breath.
At first I was relieved. I felt validated as a mother. That I KNEW my child. I knew that she was dealing with more than just the ADHD. I knew that there was something that made up all the things that the ADHD didn't cover.
I learned that there were things that she was doing at earlier ages, that I just didn't put together with Autism. Now we look back and have many "ah-ha" moments. Moments that all of a sudden make sense. Daily things that seem crazy - now seem normal when we look through the Autism lens.
After my relief, I then felt horribly sad. Sad that things were so hard for her. Sad that I had missed so many clues. Sad that I pushed the "suck it up & toughen up" attitude on what seemed like little things. I even went so far as to think this was somehow all my fault. That D2 having ADHD & Autism was because of me.
Her matter of fact attitude. Her sensitivity to sounds and smells. Her blunt comments. Her struggles with writing and her lack of letter structure. Her lack of friends. Withdrawing from crowds, obsessing about the rules, routines, and her crazy desire to please everyone. It all makes sense now.
I'm doing much better now. Well, today. Two days ago I was a mess. Trying to understand, trying to learn how to be the mother she needs me to be. Trying to help her sister understand and stop annoying her just for fun. Then there is Husband. The most amazing man in my world. How do I be a mother to D1, D2, and a good wife to him?
Did you know that 80% of parents with special needs children divorce! WHAT??? That is crazy. I understand it though. Every single bit of research that I do says "be sure to take care of yourself", "take care of your spouse", "take a time out, grown up time". I know all these things and have encouraged many moms to do the same. How did I forget that? Everything I read is about ADHD and ASD. I am even reading a fiction book... about a boy with ASD. Okay - so that doesn't count. I get on the computer and google about D2's Dx. I check my facebook and look for others going through the same things I am.
I have learned that being the mom of a special needs child can be very lonely at times.
Since D2 is medicated during the day for the ADHD, the teachers get the best of her. They get her controlled and focused. They think I am a loon when I express my concerns. As I have blogged before she is a different child in the mornings and evenings than she is during the day. I have also learned that other children with ASD become very good at "holding it together" through out the day and when they get home, in an environment that they feel safe, they let it all go. That is when the tantrums, hitting, yelling, and all the things that no one likes to talk about - THAT is when all those things happen. That is when life is the loneliest.
Through this new land, I remind myself that I was chosen. I was chosen from all the other moms in the world to be her mother. She was chosen for me. A wise woman told me yesterday... I need to remember to thank God for her being in my life. I am embarrassed to say I needed to be reminded. Not that I ever wished other wise, but it gives me a new perspective. I must admit though, many of my prayers have been along the lines of "how in the world do I be a good mother to her". She deserves so much, and I pray that I can be enough to give her all she needs.
This will be a year of discovery and lots of education.
On Dec 15th we learned that D2 has a diagnoses of ADHD, Asperger's, and Anxiety.
Deep breath.
At first I was relieved. I felt validated as a mother. That I KNEW my child. I knew that she was dealing with more than just the ADHD. I knew that there was something that made up all the things that the ADHD didn't cover.
I learned that there were things that she was doing at earlier ages, that I just didn't put together with Autism. Now we look back and have many "ah-ha" moments. Moments that all of a sudden make sense. Daily things that seem crazy - now seem normal when we look through the Autism lens.
After my relief, I then felt horribly sad. Sad that things were so hard for her. Sad that I had missed so many clues. Sad that I pushed the "suck it up & toughen up" attitude on what seemed like little things. I even went so far as to think this was somehow all my fault. That D2 having ADHD & Autism was because of me.
Her matter of fact attitude. Her sensitivity to sounds and smells. Her blunt comments. Her struggles with writing and her lack of letter structure. Her lack of friends. Withdrawing from crowds, obsessing about the rules, routines, and her crazy desire to please everyone. It all makes sense now.
I'm doing much better now. Well, today. Two days ago I was a mess. Trying to understand, trying to learn how to be the mother she needs me to be. Trying to help her sister understand and stop annoying her just for fun. Then there is Husband. The most amazing man in my world. How do I be a mother to D1, D2, and a good wife to him?
Did you know that 80% of parents with special needs children divorce! WHAT??? That is crazy. I understand it though. Every single bit of research that I do says "be sure to take care of yourself", "take care of your spouse", "take a time out, grown up time". I know all these things and have encouraged many moms to do the same. How did I forget that? Everything I read is about ADHD and ASD. I am even reading a fiction book... about a boy with ASD. Okay - so that doesn't count. I get on the computer and google about D2's Dx. I check my facebook and look for others going through the same things I am.
I have learned that being the mom of a special needs child can be very lonely at times.
Since D2 is medicated during the day for the ADHD, the teachers get the best of her. They get her controlled and focused. They think I am a loon when I express my concerns. As I have blogged before she is a different child in the mornings and evenings than she is during the day. I have also learned that other children with ASD become very good at "holding it together" through out the day and when they get home, in an environment that they feel safe, they let it all go. That is when the tantrums, hitting, yelling, and all the things that no one likes to talk about - THAT is when all those things happen. That is when life is the loneliest.
Through this new land, I remind myself that I was chosen. I was chosen from all the other moms in the world to be her mother. She was chosen for me. A wise woman told me yesterday... I need to remember to thank God for her being in my life. I am embarrassed to say I needed to be reminded. Not that I ever wished other wise, but it gives me a new perspective. I must admit though, many of my prayers have been along the lines of "how in the world do I be a good mother to her". She deserves so much, and I pray that I can be enough to give her all she needs.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)