Happy New Year.. time to kick it all in gear

Welcome 2011!

This will be a year of discovery and lots of education.
On Dec 15th we learned that D2 has a diagnoses of ADHD, Asperger's, and Anxiety.

Deep breath.

At first I was relieved.  I felt validated as a mother.  That I KNEW my child.  I knew that she was dealing with more than just the ADHD.  I knew that there was something that made up all the things that the ADHD didn't cover.

I learned that there were things that she was doing at earlier ages, that I just didn't put together with Autism.  Now we look back and have many "ah-ha" moments.  Moments that all of a sudden make sense.  Daily things that seem crazy - now seem normal when we look through the Autism lens.

After my relief, I then felt horribly sad.  Sad that things were so hard for her.  Sad that I had missed so many clues.  Sad that I pushed the "suck it up & toughen up" attitude on what seemed like little things.  I even went so far as to think this was somehow all my fault.  That D2 having ADHD & Autism was because of me.

Her matter of fact attitude.  Her sensitivity to sounds and smells.  Her blunt comments.  Her struggles with writing and her lack of letter structure.  Her lack of friends.  Withdrawing from crowds, obsessing about the rules, routines, and her crazy desire to please everyone.  It all makes sense now.

I'm doing much better now.  Well, today.  Two days ago I was a mess.  Trying to understand, trying to learn how to be the mother she needs me to be.  Trying to help her sister understand and stop annoying her just for fun.  Then there is Husband.  The most amazing man in my world.  How do I be a mother to D1, D2, and a good wife to him?

Did you know that 80% of parents with special needs children divorce!  WHAT???  That is crazy.  I understand it though.  Every single bit of research that I do says "be sure to take care of yourself", "take care of your spouse", "take a time out, grown up time".  I know all these things and have encouraged many moms to do the same.  How did I forget that?  Everything I read is about ADHD and ASD.  I am even reading a fiction book... about a boy with ASD.  Okay - so that doesn't count.  I get on the computer and google about D2's Dx.  I check my facebook and look for others going through the same things I am.

I have learned that being the mom of a special needs child can be very lonely at times.

Since D2 is medicated during the day for the ADHD, the teachers get the best of her.  They get her controlled and focused.  They think I am a loon when I express my concerns.  As I have blogged before she is a different child in the mornings and evenings than she is during the day.  I have also learned that other children with ASD become very good at "holding it together" through out the day and when they get home, in an environment that they feel safe, they let it all go.  That is when the tantrums, hitting, yelling, and all the things that no one likes to talk about - THAT is when all those things happen.  That is when life is the loneliest.

Through this new land, I remind myself that I was chosen.  I was chosen from all the other moms in the world to be her mother.  She was chosen for me.  A wise woman told me yesterday... I need to remember to thank God for her being in my life.  I am embarrassed to say I needed to be reminded.  Not that I ever wished other wise, but it gives me a new perspective.  I must admit though, many of my prayers have been along the lines of "how in the world do I be a good mother to her".  She deserves so much, and I pray that I can be enough to give her all she needs.