No more pencils No more books!!!!

Today is the day.
Screams will be heard across the world at 11:45 EST when my children get off the bus.  The loudest screams will be mine.  I am so thrilled to have my girls home for a few weeks.  Yes, you read that right.  I am thrilled to have them home.

This year has been a fast one, but yet a tough one.

I cling to hopes of a better year for D2 next year.  The teacher that she is supposed to have should be perfect.  We'll see, but I have hope. Yes I know, last September I also had that same hope, but that was when we didn't know about D2 and all that would soon be changing her world.

The Movies are filled with great Kid flicks, Oriole Park is calling our name, Six Flags for a Jars of Clay & Mandisa concert, VBS, Music camp, Swimming with the cousins, trips to the library, Weeks with grandparents... YES!!  Who wouldn't love summer?

This morning when I woke D2 up I said "it's 7:30, time to get moving"  She replied "On Monday I don't even want to know that 7:30 am exists!"  Perfect, cause I don't either.  It's going to be tough to wake up for Husband's coffee making and lunch packing!  Tough, but I will be glad to do it, and then run back up to snuggle with my girls and sleep!

Ahhh, summer... you don't know just how welcomed you are in our house!!

My life is RUINED!!!

The difficult trials of being ten.
The even more difficult trials of being ten and having a sarcastic Mother and a sister with Aspergers.
Poor kid doesn't stand a chance!

Our morning went something like this...

D2 is singing her heart out about whatever pops in her mind.  Having a great morning.
D1 is stomping and screaming...
After 20 minutes of everything being wrong the conversation went like this;
D1 "This is the worst day EVER"
Mom "Well, just think how good this day is making the last 'worst day ever' look"
D1 ** growls and screams **
Mom  "What is the problem"
D1 "my life is RUINED!!!!"
Mom "wow, well, the good news is you figured this out at 10 and you can accept that and move on"
D1 ** stomps off **

Proud mommy moment?  no.
But, I am secure enough to admit that I am so not equipt for the emotional drama.  I can barely handle the emotions of Aspergers let alone pre-puberty!  Yikes!  Funny thing is I can understand when D2 is having a typical Aspie morning and D1 is irritated, but today - today everyone woke up happy.  Was there not enough drama?  Was that it?  D1 felt that she needed to create her own?  Who knows.

Maybe it's carryover emotions from the day before?  D2's therapist called us both in because D2 had something to share.  Not uncommon.  When we walked in, I think we walked into a firing range.  Nothing was really said.  D2 was extremely angry and began yelling, hitting, rocking, biting... totally tantrum.  Sad & scary stuff.  I was embarrassed that the therapist was seeing this, but at the same time was glad.  I was helpless.  I had D2 flipping out and D1 covering her ears and crying.

Commit me now.

I thought of how just 9 hours earlier that day, D2 woke up and curled up in my lap while I rocked her.  Such a precious way to start the day.  She was so sweet and loving.  Now here we were - full throttle tantrum and I was lost.

My heart was shattered in an instant.  Our time was about up and we were all falling apart.  Then, with the flip of a switch, D2 delivers an apology and all was good.  With her.  I was about to choke on the lump in my throat from holding in a breakdown.

The ride home was a long silent one.
The evening was fine and life went on.

The images of that 20 minutes have been burned into my mind.  The sounds that erupted from my baby girl are still piercing through my ears.  The feelings of failure, loneliness, and loss are just below the surface.

My role as mom - to keep it all together and press forward.  Everyday is a new day. Right?  Except I can't wait that long.  I have to live moment by moment. Thing blow up - they end - clean slate - next moment.

If I, a grown woman, still have all these emotions... then certainly my 10 yr old does too.  I know what to do with those emotions - sort of - she doesn't.

Extra serving of love and attention coming up.  We will come through this.  Stronger and amazing.

Why I like Starbucks...

or any coffee place....

The atmosphere is wonderful.  Most of the time.

You see all sorts of different types of people.  Moms in need of caffeine, business people talking shop, writers pouring their souls into their next big book.  People like me, looking for a few moments of solace, to read, relax and sometimes gain perspective.  I use these moments no matter how few, to look over email, read, catch up on blogs, and write.

While we were in Germany I fell in love with the coffee place on base - Khul Beans.  It was great.  It was like the show Cheers.  The Baristas were the same, they knew your name, your beverage of choice, and when you were looking for something new to try, they never let you down.  You could kick back in a comfy chair between meetings and relax.  You would certainly see someone you knew that would pull up a chair and visit for a few.  I loved it there.  SO much that my farewell inscription made reference to my "Khul Beans Office".

When we returned to the states, I was thankful to have a Starbucks a mile from my house.  It smells great in here and although the population is vastly different here, I still know a few faces, and enjoy the people watching.  It's relaxing, and I like that after I drop the girls off at school and have an hour before I need to be back at school, I can slip in, grab a cup of Joe and take time to breathe.

Coffee houses everywhere seem to break down barriers between strangers.  Everyone there has a common interest.  Everyone will say hello and share a smile.  People use their manners at the fixin bar, and the Barista is often friendly.  It always smells fabulous - just the smell alone is relaxing.  Think they could make a soy candle that smelled like Starbucks?

Husband and I often talk of how great it would be to have a coffee house of our own.  Just a no name place in a town just big enough to support business.  When we travel to St. Michaels Maryland, we always make sure we have time to stop in the St. Michaels Perk.  It's a great spot to grab a coffee, visit or read a book.  We have become rather spoiled, because we get so used to the wonderful flavors here that coffee at home can often be boring.  Coffee with friends though - is priceless.