My life is RUINED!!!

The difficult trials of being ten.
The even more difficult trials of being ten and having a sarcastic Mother and a sister with Aspergers.
Poor kid doesn't stand a chance!

Our morning went something like this...

D2 is singing her heart out about whatever pops in her mind.  Having a great morning.
D1 is stomping and screaming...
After 20 minutes of everything being wrong the conversation went like this;
D1 "This is the worst day EVER"
Mom "Well, just think how good this day is making the last 'worst day ever' look"
D1 ** growls and screams **
Mom  "What is the problem"
D1 "my life is RUINED!!!!"
Mom "wow, well, the good news is you figured this out at 10 and you can accept that and move on"
D1 ** stomps off **

Proud mommy moment?  no.
But, I am secure enough to admit that I am so not equipt for the emotional drama.  I can barely handle the emotions of Aspergers let alone pre-puberty!  Yikes!  Funny thing is I can understand when D2 is having a typical Aspie morning and D1 is irritated, but today - today everyone woke up happy.  Was there not enough drama?  Was that it?  D1 felt that she needed to create her own?  Who knows.

Maybe it's carryover emotions from the day before?  D2's therapist called us both in because D2 had something to share.  Not uncommon.  When we walked in, I think we walked into a firing range.  Nothing was really said.  D2 was extremely angry and began yelling, hitting, rocking, biting... totally tantrum.  Sad & scary stuff.  I was embarrassed that the therapist was seeing this, but at the same time was glad.  I was helpless.  I had D2 flipping out and D1 covering her ears and crying.

Commit me now.

I thought of how just 9 hours earlier that day, D2 woke up and curled up in my lap while I rocked her.  Such a precious way to start the day.  She was so sweet and loving.  Now here we were - full throttle tantrum and I was lost.

My heart was shattered in an instant.  Our time was about up and we were all falling apart.  Then, with the flip of a switch, D2 delivers an apology and all was good.  With her.  I was about to choke on the lump in my throat from holding in a breakdown.

The ride home was a long silent one.
The evening was fine and life went on.

The images of that 20 minutes have been burned into my mind.  The sounds that erupted from my baby girl are still piercing through my ears.  The feelings of failure, loneliness, and loss are just below the surface.

My role as mom - to keep it all together and press forward.  Everyday is a new day. Right?  Except I can't wait that long.  I have to live moment by moment. Thing blow up - they end - clean slate - next moment.

If I, a grown woman, still have all these emotions... then certainly my 10 yr old does too.  I know what to do with those emotions - sort of - she doesn't.

Extra serving of love and attention coming up.  We will come through this.  Stronger and amazing.