breathe.
Just trying to breathe is some days is to much. The effort to accomplish anything else seems wasted. Regardless of what is said or done, it will be wrong. Hopelessness is all that is felt. No. That's not true. Numbness. Completely numb. Either there is no fight left, or the realization that there is just no point in the fight. Even those that are closest feel like strangers. Those that understand and support begin vanishing. Vanishing from their lack of understanding or lack of caring, leaving emptiness and numbness.
Numbness and loneliness. At the same time they are both the most painful and damaging emotions that can be felt. The thoughts that creep into the mind are irrational, and yet so freeing.
Freedom. To break free from this being that has taken over - to revert back to the life that once was, before. Before seems so long ago. Nothing is left now but a carcass of what once was. A body that once housed laughter, joy, fun, and love.
Love. The very thing that has brought such brokenness. Loving too much. So much that it has caused the heart to break and the mind to isolate. Spiraling in a thought process battling what is logical against impulse.
Impulse. The energy that arrises to run. To break away. It all seems so easy - but then the logic kicks in. The love surfaces and then the mind engages. Reasoning to return, to stay, out of love. No matter how abusive and lonely. Love. Love that can never be measured. Love that makes logicial choices overpower impulse, despite of the loneliness. The isolation. The numbness.
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