March Already?

Where has 2010 gone already??
I see the last I was here I was frustrated with the husband. Well, on our anniversary, I called and made arrangements for the two of us to spend 2 nights away from the kids. We dropped the girls off at grandparents at 9:30 pm and the next 2 nights were all ours - uninterrupted. It was fabulous and well needed. Our time alone was way overdue.  Prior to that our only time without the girls was military functions where the night consisted of smiling and nodding.

Shortly after our rendezvous - I learned that a young couple I know were separated. That the husband had had an affair and didn't feel bad about it at all.  They are separated - no divorce is desired. He is parting like a rock star and she is waiting.  Shortly after that my life time friend's husband told her one morning that he didn't like her anymore and he wanted a divorce - after 21 years!!!  They have since started thinking clearly and are doing better.  THEN another couple we went to church with are also getting divorced.  She had an affair. He attempted to shoot himself, the gun misfired, and SHE gets to play the victim.  WTH? Not many know about her affair - but all know about his misfortune.  The news of the adultery really upset me.  It wasn't happening to me, and I do not feel threatened, but it is one of those things that preys on insecurities.

Those that commit adultery do not realize the impact that it has.  Not only have you misled your spouse, but those that you know.  The last person I mentioned - her friends had NO idea.  She knew that her husband was depressed and talked about suicide, and she told no one.

Marriage is not something I take lightly.  Love is a choice. You choose to love someone.  Sometimes Husband really pushes my buttons - not in a good way - but, no matter, I love him.  I may not be particularly fond of him at the moment, but I choose to love him.  I know that I am not perfect.  (GASP!!) We made a commitment. A covenant, to each other and to God, that we would be true to one another.  Forever.  I am so thankful, that as my heart broke for my friends, that my man was compassionate and took my hand, reminding me that that was THEM, not US. Divorce is not an option for us.  We are a team and teams stick together.

Had Husband and I not had that time alone together, that time to talk about nothing but US, about where we were headed, dreams, goals... to laugh, to simply sit in silence, to hold hands, sleep in, and enjoy all that being a married couple was about... had we not had those two nights, the last few months would have driven a deeper wedge between us.  Co-existing is not healthy.  After 13 years, we are on the same page and when one of us starts to fall off course - the other is there to pull them back.

I love my man.  I am just crazy mad about my man. I hope that my children can be as blessed as I am to marry a man half as amazing as he is.

Night all!

Push me NOW!!!

In the wise words of Donkey from the movie "Shrek the Halls", "Christmas just aint Christmas until somebody is crying!"

Ahhh - the holidays. I Love Thanksgiving.  It is the last time people are nice to others before the shopping madness begins.  Living within 2 hours of our family this year - we now have to play the family game of who goes where and when, and is it fair - are we spending as much time there as we did here and did the kids act like they enjoyed being there?

Christmas day was at home.  I am a stickler for Santa coming to our house.  As a kid, I remember waking up - opening all my presents and then my dad would disappear for a nap and I had to start getting ready to drive 90 minutes to grandmas.  There I would spend all day fighting with my 5 cousins as we received our gifts (all the same) and played.  Then we would drive back home just in time for bed.  The day after I would get to play with the toys that Santa had brought.  SO- I insist that our girls be able to open their gifts and stay home ALL day in their PJ's if they wish.  I am a bad and selfish mom.

SO - we decided to spend Christmas Eve day with Husbands family b/c his brother was in town.  We drove home late that evening and began to prep for Santa.  Santa arrived and then we spent the day relaxing and just hanging out.  Husbands parents came late in the afternoon to see what wonders that Santa had brought.  It was cool b/c they were so close - that they could do that.  Today we went to see my family and do Christmas with them.  It was awkward at best.  The mood was set when we walked in my mothers house and she told the girls... not "hi", not "Merry Christmas", but "this pile is yours and that pile is yours... go at it".  Mark had not even gotten in the door yet.  Then while they unwrapped their gifts... the TV was on and Grandma was more interested in watching the TV then watching her ONLY grandchildren open their gifts.  Hmmmm.


I know that I can never do right - I know I will always mess it all up.  What I don't know is when will it stop mattering so much.  It would be easier to just state that I am not really part of that family anymore.

Today I wished that I could climb to a mountain top and have someone shove me off.  That would be less painful then the conversations that took place.  It is my fault after all - I chose to NOT go there on Christmas day with everyone else.  Even the girls are starting to pick up on the awkwardness of being there.  Grr.  What a  bummer.

Christmas this year has been fine.  Not what I had expected.  I feel somewhat disappointed.  Not in the things - but in the things that I wanted to do - that never got done.  There are things every year that the girls and I do that we never came close to doing.  I guess I felt kinda robbed.

Next year.  I have to just pull up my boots and focus on next year.  Madison's party will happen sooner.  Christmas shopping will be done earlier - regardless if husband can help out.  We will make Christmas cookies earlier.  I will plan on the kids missing the week before Christmas.  As for the family... I don't know.  Part of me wants to say - here is where we are - here is when we will be home - give us a call if you can make it.

Good business - Bad business

Good business.
Went to Hour Glass to pick up prescription sunglasses.  There was a scratch on the lens.  Bummer.  They said "Take these glasses so you are not with out.  We will order new lenses and when they come in we will put them in your frames - no cost to you. Sorry about the inconvenience."

Wow - thought that was cool.  Decent of them and I am happy to do business with them.


Bad business. 
Mattress Warehouse.  Ordered an inexpensive mattress for our guest room, for the holiday. Had been told that this particular mattress was in stock - and on hand always.  Sunday - Salesman says they are out but will have some coming in Monday / Tuesday.  Perfect.  Paid for mattress.  Monday salesman calls "Mattress is here". Great!  Monday evening Husband goes to the store and the guy gets nervous - he gave our mattress to someone else. HUH!?!?!?!  None of the other stores has the mattress in stock. Wait - the Manassas store 1 hour away does.  HUSBAND says good and makes arrangements to go THERE and pick it up.  HUH?  Driving 1 mile up the road with a mattress on the top of the car is no biggie.  Driving on the highway for an hour with a mattress on the car - biggie!  This guy screwed up and for his mistake the solution is that we drive further?  I wouldn't mind driving if maybe he refunded some $$ for my trouble. Or how about YOU get that mattress here?

Husband said since I wasn't there to be the "bad cop" that he felt bad for the guy - that he was super stressing and calling all over saying he had made the mistake, blah blah blah - I guess I don't care how embarrassed he is.  He did make a mistake.  Why do I hold on to a receipt?  Maybe today I'll sop in there and see if there are any mattresses waiting for pick up and just take that one!  Most importantly- my biggest complaint is that somehow in the midst of all this - I ended up being the bad guy.

I asked husband "did you ask about..." and tells me to call... I did, but the store was closed.  So I couldn't win.  Our nice evening last night turned into crap.

Today's chore - Bake a million cookies, Pumpkin loaves, clean house, and find a friggin mattress.

Motivation & excitement for the week - missing.

Happiness is.... Randomness....

Happiness is... having a large, caring, close nit family, that lives in another city.

Yep. That's happy.

My dad just remarried. Lucky lady #4.

I just could not even imagine getting married a 4th time.  WHY?? Is the tax break that great?  I just wonder what goes through peoples minds some times.  Once is enough for me and heaven forbid - if anything happened to Mark, I just don't have the energy to do it all over again.  Well, maybe if Mike Rowe was free and paid off all my debt.... nah - never mind.

The family went Christmas tree shopping this weekend.  WOW - what an adventure that was.  Our children were seriously out of control and in need of a good ol fashion spanking.  While we try to decide which tree has the most realistic needles, most lights, brightest lights, and doesn't cost a small fortune.  We went to Lowes - mainly b/c they had a sale and they support the troops with 10% discount!  HOURS later we escaped with a tree we could live with and better - we could live with the cost.  What a racket.

Turkey day is among us - I love Turkey day.  It's the last time everyone is feeling all euphoric before they turn psycho and dive into the madness of the commercialized Christmas.  Black friday should be outlawed.  I am waiting on a pair of prescription sunglasses and they are due in on friday.  Uh - really? Any other day PLEASE?!??!  I asked if they could be done early - she said possibly - but I think that was to shut me up and not have me freak out on her.

Black friday.  My mom LIVES for this day.  She is one of those nuts in the walmart parking lot at 2am - ready and waiting to buy NOTHING - because she "just didn't see anything".  Um - unless it is free - I can't see any reason to participate.  Even then I would really have to want it and be guaranteed that it would be there for me.  I did want to have most of my shopping out of the way before this dreaded day.  But oh well - we will manage.

SO - I am all ready to get ready for turkey day.  I did overcommit a little to the school.  I am making pumpkin shaped cookies for the class parties and I bought loaf pans to make Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Muffins for the teachers.  Crap - I forgot to get cellophane today!  Drat!

Headed to the mall tonight to buy PJ's for my daughter to wear to her PJ party at school.  She has PJ's, just none that I feel comfortable with her wearing to school.  Just isn't right seeing her belly button through her shirt.

Wish that the girls had the whole week off of school this week.  Instead, they have an early dismissal on wednesday.  They get out at 11:30.  Since they are required to serve lunch and M1's class is the first class to get lunch - she will be having lunch at 9:10am.  Yep, that's right - 1 hour and 10 minutes after she arrives at school - she has lunch.

Well - husband should be home soon and then off to the Mall we go.  I am certain that we can all eat & shop and be without any drama all evening.  Right?

sigh

Thursday. Started a new work out yesterday. I like it - but that + my 5 mile brisk walk last night about did me in. Yes, I still went on my walk.  This time there was another neighbor who joined us.  She was great.  Her son is ADHD, so we had that to talk about and we seem to agree and have similar views on things.  After the walk was over at 9:45 - we stood in my front yard and chatted until almost 11!!!  It was good though, and I think I needed to have someone in this development that could hold a real conversation.  


She is not military, but has a bunch of friends who are.  She was telling me that she loved military wives because "they throw it all out there and there is no long 'getting to know you' period".  I thought "crap - did she find my blog?" but she meant it.  She keyed in on some of the grr things about living on Wisteria Lane - and I just liked her.  It was refreshing.


Today I am going to volunteer at the school.  Looking forward to that.  Then I have lunch planned with a friend that I was with in Germany.  Looking forward to that too.  


Oh - and can someone please tell me what the huge obsession is about the Twilight Series?  Face Book is screaming with Edward fans - uh - he's a vampire - not all that good looking - and I just don't understand why people are obsessed with him. One friend even went so far as to have pictures taken of her making out with a cardboard cut out of him.  Really? There must have been alcohol involved.  I understand he is cool because he drives a volvo - all volvo drivers are cool. (me) Beyond that...?  Is this like Harry Potter for grown ups?  Or not so grown ups?  Maybe because I was raised that Vampires are bad. Evil, of the devil. That I just lack the desire to obsess.  Who knows.


My friend did make a really neat cake for a "twilight" party.  That was cool.  


Okay - off to take on the day!

I'm the filler friend

People amaze me.  I enjoy people watching. and listening.  Moving around 7 times in the last 13 years has exposed me to many different types of people.

I have often found security in other military wives.  Civilian life is just different than military life, we deal with many different things on very different levels.  But like a big fraternity - military families all over have a common thread.  Especially the wives.  We have all been there, done that - if not we know someone who has.  Hubby comes home and says he has to go out of town for 2 weeks, TOMORROW, we growl and smile and move on.  Even when he says honey - I am deploying tomorrow and I can't say where or for how long - we growl, smile and move on.

My civilian friend here - her husband leaves for 30 hours and the world is coming to a screeching halt.   "OMG, trash day is friday - he puts out the trash - wonder if he will just do it before he leaves"  REALLY?!?!  The thing is on wheels - you can do it!!! AND you only have one child - so deal already.

The other thing that wears me down on my 5 mile jaunt around the neighborhood (brisk walk that we accomplish in 1 hour and 4 minutes) is the exclusive chatting.
Military wives will invite a new person out to do something and any conversation that takes place - they will bring you up to speed on the conversation - who or what they are talking about - how they know them and what the situation is.  By the time your visit is over - you know everything about anything and you feel like you have known them for years.  That is how we work - we are not around long enough to build a relationship - we have to throw it all out there, see who we connect with and then move on.  With out those relationships with other wives - when husband comes home and says he's leaving for X amount of days - we can not manage that smile.

So my civilian friends have a friend that just moved away.  Now I get that they have all grown up together - went to school together, lived on the same street, and had their children with in a few weeks of each other.  They grew up, married and now live in the same development ON THE SAME BLOCK!!! All I hear about for an hour is their poor friend who has to find another doctor, make new friends, buy new curtains... yeah. So - they plan trips together.  I don't mean hey- lets meet up in a few months - they meet up at least once a month.  It's cool at first - when I describe it this way - but now it's getting a little freaky.  Now the ladies are getting together for concerts, games... so weekly.  She lives in another state - about 5-6 hours away.  This week I am hearing all about their trip to a concert they have planned.

I just think it is rude.  Why invite me to be a part of your walking group & your lil desperate housewives game night - and spend the whole time talking to each other about your friend and all the things you are doing with each other that do not in any way include me.  It's just awkward and rude.  I think I am pulling out.  I am their filler.  They needed another person for game night - and here I am.  It could have only been worse if I had bought that friends house.  Whew - glad we didn't do that!

I love my military friends - and the EXCEPTIONAL civilian friends that I have!!!

Family... Check

Well - I made it through the day.

What I like about my family is that as much as they are Springer material - it's not by their verbals - because that would open them up for rebuttal - but their NON-verbals. The looks, the stares - the total and complete judgement, with out one word.

Today was fine. It was actually nice to see some relatives that I had not seen in years. Others - not so nice. ;-)  I loved hearing over and over how glad people were that we were back in the Sates and that we were close enough to be a apart of family things like this.  However - imagine the question mark above my head when we turned the tables and invited people to come see us (since we were so close and all) and their response was "oh - it's just so far of a drive" or "that traffic is so much..." or "I don't really ever go to Virginia".

My mom is the best though. She wins the Oscar every time.  Poor thing, never sees her grandchildren.  She has my family convinced that we don't let her.  She complains - for 13 years now- about how far away we live.  When we lived in southern VA a few years back - we were 3.5 hours away.  Still too far.  In the 3 years we were there - she came 3 times.  Anywho... She thanks us over and over about making the trip to come up there.  She kept asking about the house - I suggested she come see it - but - no can do.  "it's so far... Oh the traffic... Gas is so expensive..."  Most of the family is that way.  My favorite line... "you're all the way in VIRGINIA!!!!"  (family is in Baltimore) She even said, just last week, that she wished we could be closer so she could be involved with the girls.  I did kinda loose it and mention that even if we lived right next door - the puddle between our driveways would prove to be too much for her cross.

It's never close enough.  I wish I could understand why they can't come here but complain that I don't come there enough.  In the 4 months that we have been back in the states - we have been there 5 times.  Hmmmm.  Even more - I wish I could understand why it hacks me off so much.  I think I just need to be the bitch they think I am and say "ya know what?  Since you have not given ANY effort to knowing your grandchildren in the last 5 years, no phone calls, no visits, no emails, not even a birthday card... we are done.  You know where we live, you know our phone number (because you dial it to complain that I have not called you in a while) so - let us know when you want to be a grandmother."

I am certain it will come up in the next 6 months or so.

Highlights of the day:
-Mom hands me a plastic bag and says - there is a longaberger basket in there for you - that's your Christmas gift.  (Christmas for the kid...check)
-Mom - seeing my new glasses asks if I was trying to look like Sarah Palin. WTH?!?!
-My youngest says - "wow this is like a family reunion and no one even died!"
- Granny announces that since we are all together - she is paying for our lunches and that is her Christmas gift to everyone. Huh? (Christmas for the family....check)
- Mom, again, making My youngest seem weak and pitied for being ADHD and taking meds.  WTH!?!?!?
- MOM - when we gave her the school pictures she says "wow - they look just like the girls!" uh, who else would they look like?

The day is over - back to my life WAY over here in VA - through all the traffic.
My glass of German wine is making me feel happy.